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MILWAUKEE (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump told supporters at a rally on Monday that if elected he will rename the Washington Monument after the legendary golfer Arnold Palmer.
“Arnold Palmer was a great American, and possibly the biggest American,” he declared.
“Unlike Arnie, George Washington had no body parts worth remembering,” he continued. “He had wooden teeth, which, quite frankly, were disgusting.”
“Get him out of here!” he bellowed.
Commenting on Trump’s performance, a campaign aide said, “At this point I think we’re better off just playing music and having him dance.”